Today was sweet and sour, just like my Chinese cafeteria food...
My experiences with the children were great today. I can see them progressing and growing. They are becoming more mature (little by little) and more wise in their decision making. They are kind and I think they are beginning to love me. This, obviously, is a very special thing.
My experiences with the adults today, were not-so-great. Wait. That's not fair. Some of them were very good. Two girls on the 1st grade team are awesome and really supportive. Our reading specialist is incredibly kind and encouraging. My principal loves me. But in our grade level meeting today, I just wanted to disappear.
The teacher with the most experience and who has the best and brightest kids - with the PTO moms and the consistent volunteers made me feel inferior. And someone who makes others feel that way just can't be a phenomenal teacher. It's impossible.
When I'm in my classroom we feel like a family that's trudging along together. We work hard and growth is made. But when I see the other teachers' rosters with their 4 ELL compared to my 10 and their 7 below grade-level in reading and my 17- it just feels like life is unfair.
Which it is. I know. But I still don't like being reminded of it.
Tomorrow, I have no adult meetings. It should be a better day...
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3 comments:
You're right, it's not fair. Just like the guys at Ross' work who don't pull their weight and the people at my work who leave everything for the "night guy". Work will always be made up of people who are there to make a difference and people who are there for a paycheck and little else. What you're accomplishing though is going to change lives - you're being a blessing. Keep shining!
A truly special part of teaching is that your class does become like a family that works together, pulls for each other and learns together. The children are with you for a fragment of their lives that can never be exactly the same again. It always touched me deeply at the end of each year that the time had passed and your "family" would never be together in the same way again.
I know what you mean! About the unfairness of the loads. I work in a really small district and I'm the only first year sped teacher. I also have the largest service load. I have more kids than the TWO resource teachers at the other school combined...pretty crazy, but things are getting better, btw! You are awesome so don't worry about those other teachers, there are definitely some sour grapes out there! :)
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