"That's Not Fair!"

There were a few incidents that occurred yesterday that I realized I should share...

1) During floortime yesterday morning, my kids were already wound up and having difficulty following directions. They were chatty and noisy. When I asked them to turn their bodies away from the whiteboard and towards my rocking chair, they did it lazily and noisily. Except for three girls. Without talking, they turned their bodies, stayed flat on the floor and had their hands in their lap. Wanting to promote these girls and their behavior, I said that because of their obedience, they could each pick a prize from the small prize box (as opposed to the big prize box- this one just has pencils and stickers...) This action produced 17 large sighs and "That's not fairs!"

2) Later on the floor, a child raised their hand to say "That girl is pushing him, over there!" I asked the boy who "that girl" and "him" was. "You know, them!" He said. Frustrated that after 15 days together the boy still didn't know everyone's name- I stopped what I was doing and said that if one person could tell me everyone's name- they could pick a prize from the big prize box (with toys, books, and other "larger" prizes). Of course, everyone's hand went up and we went through three kids before one could actually do it. Once that boy accomplished the task, I went back to teaching reading. This, again, produced 19 large sighs and "That's not fairs!"

At this point- I am dismayed at their behavior. Of course both of these events were fair. The boy was the only one who could do it. I didn't have time to give a prize to EVERY child who could say every one's name (although I feel like only 3 or 4 could do it). I frowned a frown of disapproval and asked the children if they were being good sports. (One boy shouted out, "I'm a New Yorker!" I asked him what that had to do with it : )

I used Jesus' example on the workers in the vineyard and asked the children if the prizes were not mine to give away. Later, Ross told me I should have told them that the fairest thing to do was to never give anything special to anybody. How would they like that?

3) Okay. So all this happens before Mom and Dad come with the special lunch for two of my kids. I was planning on having the FAIR conversation then. When lunch does arrive, I hear the same sighs and the same words and I repeat my same arguments. This is their time to be special. We need to be happy for them and hopeful for our turn...

4) Then, Aunt Pam shows up with Jamba Juices for my student of the week kids. Oh no! Another special treat. Now, mind you, my two little SOW's feel incredible right now. And they never showed off or taunted what they got in front of the other kids. But they felt amazingly special. Isn't that important??

But my other kids don't see it that way- and I hear my final round of complaints, groans and sighs. As I am again going through my speel, one girl stands up and goes "Melissa, Melissa, Melissa. You're always giving the good stuff to her!" Now, this girl does have a point, Melissa does get a lot of special treats, but it's because she is doing what she is supposed to be doing!

Right after this conversation, one of my other girls, who hasn't been complaining at all- shows me two open spots in her mouth where teeth used to be. She tells me about the dollar she made under her pillow last night. I ask the girl to tell her story to the whole class. Then I ask them to raise their hand if they made money last night under their pillow. Only the one girl raises her hand. Then I ask them to raise their hand if they ever have or ever will get money from the tooth fairy. They all raise their hand.

"See," I say. "Last night was her turn, another night it will be yours. Do you think the tooth fairy is unfair, too?"

The whole situation severely aggravated me. First, because I can't stand the fact that six-year-olds now have entitlement complexes and secondly, because of the kids faulty attributions. I did a presentation in college about attributions in Educational Psychology. It's the idea that kids (and grownups) have a healthy understanding of who is responsible for what. In this case, kids with healthy attributions would realize that the kids who were rewarded earned it somehow and that they, too, could earn it at a later date. I was unhappy to realize that the kids were attributing the other's successes on me. Like I was some kind of random prize giver and that they "never" had a chance of winning because they'd never won before.

I know this post has become incredibly long, but it is important! It makes me reflect on my own life and when I think "That's not fair" or "I really wish that would happen to me" when I really should be happy for that person and reflecting on how I have control on whether or not it could happen to me. Just a little food for fair thought : )